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This is page 2. Go to page 1 of boyfriend/relationship questions.

my boyfriend of two years is suddenly behaving suspicious,always complaining about having group work for school(hes in college)with all female group members,he even spends the entire night at her house doing school work or atleast thats what he says.he never has time for me if i ask him to visit me he says hes busy with sch. work or he has to meet a group member.the other night i called to ask him how he was and where he was he said he was in sunset i said what are you doing there and he did not reply,i kept asking in a calm tone and he would not answer me he kept brushing over the subject asking me where i am,i told him where i was and he still didnt answer my question,i asked one last time and he jus stayed on the phone in pure silence determined not to tell me what he was doing there.the he sends me a text telling me to leave him bcus he is stressed out.he is a wonderful guy just dont understand why his attitude his changing so much.he says he want to be with me,but hes getting so withdrawn,he use to call and text me all the time but he doesnt nemore.i love him,i can see myself marrying him in the future,but now i'm not so sure whats going on with him and its making me sad. - joanne from fort lauderdale

My advice is to give him some space and time to sort out whatever he is going through. Tell him you are available to listen to whatever he is going through but he will have to make the next move, and stick to that. Hopefully after a time apart he will miss you and make things right. April 5, 2006

me and my boyfriend have been together for about a month and a half. we go to different schools and this one girl that he used to talk to goes to his school.shes a nasty ho and sometimes i wonder if they still mess around. is he cheating on me? - Zaneta from colorado springs

You know what they say, out of sight out of mind. March 27, 2006

me and my girlfriend ahve been going out for almost 15 months and at first she was OBSESSED!! with me and over the past month it seems like she doesnt even want to talk to me anymore and im now obsessed with her. I got her an ipod for valentines day and i was hoping that would work, bu it didnt help to much. What do i do? - David from Chicago

That is what can happen if you rush a relationship. It takes a while to truly get to know somebody. Next time take it slow and don't fall in love until you truly know the other person well. An iPod, even crammed with love songs, is only going to get you so many points. My advice is to agree to a cooling off period of a month or two where you don't see each other. Then after it is over, and it is mutually agreeable, try it again, but be more patient. March 27, 2006

Me and my boyfriend have been together for a little more than a year. i am 18 as well as he. i am 8 months pregnant. my problem is that in december, my boyfriend went to puerto rico with his family for his sisters birthday (because that is where his family lives). he came back down in january and i had already moved in. since he has come back we have done nothing but argue. it all started when we developed a camera with all pictures of him and one girl. after a few days, i got over it and figured that she was just a friend. but then i found and address to puerto rico in his wallet and when i asked him what it was, he told me it was hers. we argued for days and he told me that she was nothing but a friend and he throiugh the address away. Here is my problem, YESTERDAY, i found the address again hidden in his wallet, but this time on different paper. when i asked him why he keeps wrting it down and putting it in his wallet he tells me she's just a friend and that he hasnt written to her. what should i do. i am trying my hardest but i cant understand what he is doing, or what i am doing to him to make him do this. does he even understand that he has a child due in april??? please give me some advice - Amanda from woonsocket

This is not a good time to be turning a small problem into a big one. Your evidence that there is anything going on between him and this other girl is pretty light. If you want him to be around for you and the baby then be nicer to him. All this nagging about an address in his wallet is only going to drive him away, probably to Puerto Rico. March 27, 2006

I am continued to be amazed at the number of personal relationship questions your readers ask. Your answers are spot-on, as far as I am concerned, but does it surprise you that you have become a modern-day "Dear Abby"? Maybe there is a correlation between solving complicated math problems and solving complicated matters of the heart?? In any case, keep up the good work. - Scott from Pittsburgh

Thanks for your vote of confidence. According to my count I only received four such questions in the first 134 columns. However starting in August 2005 they flooded in, partly because my webmaster, Michael Bluejay got us the #1 rank in Google for a search on "Is my boyfriend cheating on me". We have since dropped to #2. To answer your question, yes, there is a connection. I take a cold calculating look at both casino games and life. When I give advice in either venue it is based on what I think will make the asker happier in the long run. March 27, 2006

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years as I found out he was cheating on me with a "friend." After we broke up, I found out that I was pregnant. Because of his new "friend" he wants nothing to do with our child and refuses to acknowledge my being pregnant. I would like our child to know his family. Is it okay to tell his family that I am pregnant? - Pam from Glastonbury

Based on your version this guy seems like a real bum. Family is a lot more than DNA. If he isn't willing to accept his responsibilities then he is nothing more than a sperm donor. If he doesn't care the rest of his family probably won't either. However he is obligated to help support his child, and I would hold him to that. If you press for the courts for paternity tests his family will learn about this anyway. For now I would lower the temperature and don't give out any unsolicited information. Brining others into this may only escalate tensions. March 20, 2006

I have been with my boyfriend for 2years and 8mths we are doing ok, we have talked about our futures and how we want to spend them together, but latley he has been acting different and today i asked him a question about a friend of mine she said that he talked to her well we always tell each other when we talk to the opposite sex but for some reason i guess he didnt and when i asked him about it he just said he didnt talk to her and he got really mad and defensive whats going on with him? - Emily from Bedford

He is probably sick of this policy of reporting to you whenever he talks to someone of the opposite sex. If you can't trust each other to have an innocent conversation with someone of the opposite sex then the relationship is doomed. So I don't blame him for getting mad and defensive. I think you are making a small problem into a big one over this. My advice is drop it, and drop this ridiculous confession rule while you're at it. March 20, 2006

Me and my guy just started a month ago but I'm already having second thoughts about our relationship. You see, he's two hours apart from me and all we have is messaging over the phone and talking over the phone for the pass one whole month. During our first few weeks together, I believed everything he said, including he's stop smoking for me and he's trying to make a change for me. Now, after some small argument, i find it hard to believe every time he said he's busy and I'm actually not believing that he's gonna change to be a better person anymore. Last time, when we were dating, a girl messaged him and told him her affection and he just said sorry he's sleepy now he's got to go. Now, i'm really worried I'm being treated this way too. We've only been together for a month and I find it hard to trust him already. Is it all my mistake? Should i stop this? -- Elise

I would dump just for the reason of smoking alone. Smoking is a vile, filthy, disgusting, and repugnant habit. Not only is he killing himself, you also put your life at risk by exposing yourself to his secondhand smoke. I know you said this is long distance but it can't stay that way forever. The most important piece of dating advice I can give is that a non-smoker should never even consider dating a smoker. That is three immediate strikes. Don't even let them get up to the plate. Furthermore, I wish the state would ban smoking in casinos.

I don't believe him when he said he would quit for you. He probably has all kinds of action where he lives and is just keeping you on the back burner for when he needs a change of venue. I also don't see the reason for starting out a long-distance relationship. The odds against these are bad to begin with, but especially with no kind of history together to fall back on. So, yes, it is all your mistake. You deserve a lot better. Next time make it somebody local and a non-smoker.

March 13, 2006

I have this problem with my boyfriend. We started dating the end of January last year, and he broke up with me in the begining of October last year, because he cheated on me. He just called me asking if I would take him back about 3 weeks ago. So i took him back, so were together again. But something still doesn't feel right. I just got this feeling that something is really wrong. I get so sick to my stomach and just have all these thoughts going through my head about him but i just cant figure out what is so wrong. It's driveing me crazy, I can't consitrate on anything anymore. Do you have any idea what might be wrong? -- Brittany from wausau

My diagnosis is that your conscience is saying you are making a big mistake taking him back. The sick feeling is what happens when you know you aren't doing the right thing. So listen to your gut and throw him back. March 13, 2006

My boyfriend and i have been together for a year, he has a child with his ex, but never gets to see his daughter. He's 7 years older than me and i'm afraid he's cheating, early on in the relationship he was having a sexual conversation with a girl he use to work with while he was spending the day with me. And now he's going out everynight and gets drunk recently i found a message to his friend saying he still has feelings for her. He says he only said it as a friend saying he has feeling for her as a friend and later that same night he text another girl calling her sexy. I just don't what to do anymore, do you think he's cheating?? - Caitlin from Littleton, Colorado

He probably is. However even if he hasn't consummated the act of cheating what you have evidence of I would consider lighter degrees of cheating. So even only what is one the table I'd walk away. March 13, 2006

Help! I think my boyfriend of over a year is cheating on me. Lately he has been getting a lot of instant messages from his ex. They haven't spoken for a long time, and he told me it was for closure. Then one morning he called me her name, twice. I was upset, but he said he must have been dreaming so I forgave him. A week later when I was doing his laundry I found another girl's underwear in his dirty clothes, he said it was his sisters, but she denied ever having owned such a color and it is the wrong size for her. I started getting suspicious and one night when we got into a fight over it, he tried to calm my suspiciousions by telling me that, 'yea, i really wanted to get with her. I want to show her what she is missing. And it would be so easy, you would never find out," . . . then he went on to tell me that he didn't though, because he knew that would mean the end of us. It is a month later and he is still acting strange. He used to always answer his phone, and now he doesn't get back to me for hours sometimes, he is always 'leaving his phone in the car'. I have known him for four years, and he carries his phone almost everywhere, and ALWAYS answers when people call. Also there have been a few times when he has gone 'out with his cousin' that he was supposed to be in by 1am, and when I look at the clock as he is creeping in, its 5am. He always has some great reason, but I am continuously forced to wonder if it is getting to be too much, and I am just a fool. Sincerely, A Jersey Fool?

I was convinced he was cheating by the time you got to the underwear part. Wake up and smell the coffee.

March 5, 2006

The other day i was on the computer while my boyfriend was out,and stumbled across so really horrible porn photos of him and his ex-lovers,altho i shouldnt have been looking at those folders,i decided that i should tell him what i did and tell him how sick i felt that he has them.he then dropped by accident that there are videos too.I told him how i feel about him having that stuff(ie him having sex with his ex's),but he doesnt see anything wrong with it-he says theyre a souvenir of the past(altho he also says that he didnt love them-so what is it a souvenir of?).i never had let anyother guy take photos of me naked, but now i really feel used and abused!-i said he could either keep the others and delete mine or visa versa-but he wont do either.Because of the age gap between us, he just calls me immature-i dont think im being unreasonable-as i said i feel used, and frankly i dont know whats going to happen between us? can our relationship last? and am i really in the wrong? (i did afterall really really appologize about looking at the folders) -- Lucia from Geneva

I'm afraid I take his side. He wouldn't fault you for keeping old love letters from ex-boyfriends would he? However I dont blame you for not wanting to be a part of the collection. It may make you feel better if he says he goes along with your request, however I tend to think hell conveniently forget about a backup somewhere. So I don't think your ultimatum is going to solve the problem. If you can't accept his uninhibited attitude then I think, indeed, the relationship won't last. March 5, 2006

Your site and strategies are play books for when I gamble. Thanks to your advice on the lowest house edge bets I have enjoyed many hours of casino entertainment at minimal cost. My question involves a new boyfriend. I only consider myself having been in love twice in my life. My college boyfriend had a palindrome for a birthday 9/7/79, a man I fell in love with, but it didn't work out after college had a birthday of 1/8/81. Now I am dating and quickly falling in love with a man born on 7/7/78, almost a palindrome. Do you think this means anything? Could it mean that he's just different enough from the other two to be the one? I was born in 1979, my birthday is not a palindrome. - Brie from Chicago

You're welcome. I'm always happy to teach people how to play smarter in the casinos. This sounds like a self-fulfilling prophecy to me. Like how some people keep dating others with the same first name over and over. Having a palindromic birthday is cool in math geek kind of way, but nothing more. Personally, I'm proud to be born on 5/23 at 5:23 PM, which are both primes I might add. Anyway, I wish you love and happiness with the 7/7/78 guy. [Ed. note: Wizard, give me her email address. She sounds hot. -- M. Bluejay] Feb. 21, 2006

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of a little over two years, pretty much because i wasnt happy anymore and i had a lot of trust issues because he has lied to me a lot in the past mostly about his smoking pot, but once he was really drunk and admitted to me that he went to the movies with a nother girl, he swore nothing happened but we broke up for about a month and a half at that time and then tried to work things out we were back together for about 5 and a half months but he had been acting very shady and i know he had been spending a lot of time talking to one of my female friends who i knew he was attracted to. basically i have a few questions one is do you think he physically cheated on me meaning even just kissing someone else. also i forgot to mention in that 5 and half months we were back together we only had sex once. also my other question i really have no interest in getting back together with him but whats the best way for me to get closure and move on with my life as quickly as possible, and lastly did he ruin me for other relationships am i going to be able to trust other men? thanks for your time. - shayna from philadelphia

Yes, I would say that kissing qualifies as cheating. However, it doesn't really matter because you don't owe it to him or yourself to build up a case to justify leaving. In my opinion, the best way to break up is to do it fast and clean. Forget the friendship nonsense, just tell him you're unhappy and are moving on, and that the two of you are not to have any future communication. Then give yourself a cooling off period. Don't lose faith in all men. There are millions of nice guys out there who would treat you like a queen (to quote Peter Brady). Rather than faulting all men, I think you should fault yourself for the choices you make. Feb. 21, 2006

My boyfriend and I found out I pregnant about 2 months ago. We have been together for 3 1/2 years and after we found out, he has been going over to his best friend's house every night until 3:30 in the morning, not talking to me unless it's necessary, not sleeping in the same bad as me unless that happens to be where he falls at and just pretty much ignoring me. I have asked him if he was cheating and he siad no but his dad and brother cheat on their wives/girlfriends all the time, so my question is do you think he is cheating on me? - Cyrstal from Clio

Yes. That is not the only problem. This bum clearly is not taking responsibility for his actions. Is there anybody of character who he is close to that can give him a much-needed man to man talk? Clearly his father and brother don't qualify. I'd give him more time to turn around, but you are going to have to formulate a fall back plan if he doesn't change. I would encourage you to consider adoption as a possible course of action. Feb. 11, 2006

me and my bf have been together for a year and 8months he moved away about 8 months ago and we have had a long distant relatioship, and well he has already cheated once when he lived here and once while he was over there in colorado. when i found out we broke up but he ended up having sexual relations with another female i forgave him for that too and now he says he doesnt want to mess up again.. my question is will he do it again are we suppose to be together?? - Jess from Albuquerque

Where have I heard that term "sexual relations" before? It seems so familiar. Of course he is going to say he won't do it again. Any man who cheats is also going to lie. I'm reminded of the expression, "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me." I think forgiveness the first time is optional. Do it again and you're a fool. The next time he cheats, which is just a matter of time, grow some backbone and get rid of him. Feb. 11, 2006

My boyfriend has broken up with me a few times, but always comes back. The first time I think he started to like another girl. He went to the movies with her and the next night called me wanting to get back together. Then he broke up with me for a month and then called wanting to get back together. He doesn't let me have any friends male or female b/c he says he can't trust me. But when I don't like it when girls call him he yells and gets mad at me. What should I do and do you think he is cheating on me with one of the girls that call him? - Mandy from Versailles

I can't stand this jealous waffler from your description. Throw this one back immediately. There are plenty of better fish in the sea. Feb. 11, 2006

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. I trusted him very much until yesterday when I found out his online profile stating that he is looking dating and relationship. He updates his profile everyday also. I also found out he sent a message to a girl he started to chat with: "hi, babe, you are hot as hell, tell me about yourself". I confronted him later and he told me that girl email him first and he was just trying to be nice. He also said that he didn't know his profile was saying he is here for dating and relationship. He changed it right away, but I don't know if I should trust him anymore. All these years he made me believe that he was the most faithful man on earth and now I don't know what to do. - Ginny from Spring

You certainly have a valid complaint. However, in my opinion, online cheating is a much lesser sin than cheating in real life. I wouldn't throw away three good years over this. My advice is to consider this strike one and keep an eye on his computer activities for a while. Other than that I'd give him a pass this time. Feb. 1, 2006

my ex-boyfriend were together for 3 years.everything was fine until 2 months ago.we were arguing alot and not getting alone at all.But we were still in love.He came to me and told me that i argue to much and that he cant take it anymore.i was so devasted.but he still comes over and we still do things together but he wont make me his girlfriend.i know he talks to other girls and that really do hurt me.i try so hard to get over him but i cant.we still say that we love each other and we kiss.And sometimes we spend the night with each other.we also brung new years in with each other and stayed together that whole night and woke up with eact other.My question is, are we going to ever get back together and if so when.and why is it taking so long for him to come back to me.ive tried everything.help me please before i go crazy and out my mind! - Deja from East Ridge

There is an old saying that a man is not going to buy the cow if he can get the milk for free. Three years is enough to be kept in limbo by this guy. Tell him to stop contacting you unless it is with a wedding date. Feb. 1, 2006

bf & i have been goin out for a yr plus. but on and off. we recently meet again after soo long that hes been ignoring my calls. we end up having sex and after that day, we talk normally on the phone like im not his gf. i also know that he aint got any gf. does he really love me or treat me like a 'sex buddy'? im soo depressed and confuse. thanks xxx - Xera from the United Kingdom

You are just his sex buddy. If you are looking for more than that then my advice is don't waste any more of your time with him. This also just goes to show what I always say, that it is almost impossible to be just friends after a breakup. Feb. 1, 2006

My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years. Since we started dating on halloween, he said I was no longer allowed to have friends because the only person I needed in the world was him. This rule has only become more strict and now i am no longer allowed to say hi to our roommate, to his friends while at work, or even answer his phone. Since our last anniversary, we've done nothing but fight and our relationship seems to be failing. He's been talking about bringing other people into the relationship and his ex girlfriend has been calling "just to check up on him". She started out of the blue moon, they haven't spoken in several year. Now, she's been calling him three times a week for an hour or two at a time. Im not sure if they are planning to get back together or just being friends. I find this to be a double standard. Either way, our relationship is failing and I see it ending soon. I want to know if I should work with him to see whats happening and how to control it, end the relationship or if I should wait for him to approach me. - Jamie from Seattle

What a waste of three years! You should have walked the moment he started setting down rules about who you could be friends with. Cut this insecure jerk lose immediately. My pity will go to his ex-girlfriend, assuming they get back together. Jan. 14, 2006

My boyfriend and I have been dating on and off for two years. We have a child together and have been living together for the last 5 months. It frustrates me that my boyfriend, right after coming home from work, goes to the gym for 3 hours about twice a week. I have nagged and complained saying that is doesn't take 3 hours to go to the gym. He always goes with his one buddy and my suspicion is that they're doing more than going to the gym. Tonight he's working late---conveniently he told me that he told his boss that he'll work three hours overtime and no more. Do I have the monkey by the tail or is there something up? What can he possibly doing for three hours two times a week?? Thank you in advance for your time, Regards, - Tifanny from Vancouver

Three hours at the gym sounds fishy to me too, not to mention working overtime the same amount of time. If he is cheating, then nagging him with circumstantial evidence will not make him stop. It will just make him try harder to avoid detection. My advice is act like you believe him and hire a private investigator to tail him. You want him to have his guard down, he will be easier to catch that way. If it turns out you're right, get as far away from the bum as possible. Until then you don't have enough evidence to be making any accusations. Jan. 3, 2006

Hey, i really appericate you doing this thanks. Now to my question. I used to know this girl in high school. we used to be friends. After it was about to end i liked her but never thought she would like me so didnt do nothing. 3 yrs later, now. she found me on a website. She was so happy ans send me a friends request and a message saying how happy she was finding me. I accepted it and she gave me her screen name so we can talk. So we talked and it was all good and she kept saying im happy i found you. Then she asked me if i ever had a crush on me. and i said u go 1st and she said yes i did, then i told her also i did. and it was good from there and felt like she really did like me. Then after a few days. she stopped talking to me as often then she used to. Doesnt write as much emails and doesnt talk to me like before and i feel like she doesnt like me no more like she forgot me. I dont know what happen. What do you think? What should i do? Thanks a lot, - Andrew From New York City

You put each other on the spot with this question, which is almost always a big mistake. Maybe she just wanted to satisfy her curiosity or get a boost to her self-esteem from your confession. After the smoke cleared, there was no mystery any longer. So I think she is lowering the temperature because she has no use for you any longer. My advice is, let it go. Jan. 3, 2006

My boyfriend broke up with me over a year ago for about 8 months, and then we got back together. Everything was fine for the first 4 months, then I started to become resentful of the time he broke up with me because he really hurt me. He is someone who is mainly friends with the opposite sex because he's such a nice guy. He also loves a lot of attention, and I tend to be a jealous person. It seems he is constantly trying to impress other girls and doesn't really like to acknowledge the fact that he has a girlfriend. As someone who is insecure, this seems like a very bad match. I've tried to tell him that our relationship is unhealthy, but he won't hear it. What should I do? - Jaimee from New York, NY

You can't fault him for being a nice guy. What I think is unhealthy is your jealousy. Unless you don't stop trying to keep him on a short leash, I think a second breakup is inevitable. Dec. 26, 2005

I have been with my boyfriend for about 8 months now. We have been through a lot. Some people don't even want us to be together. A couple of months into the relationship, he told me that he lied to me in the beginning of our relationship because he was trying to impress me. Now he lives with this woman. People are telling me that they are messing around. I broke up with him, but he swears that they are not messing around and that I never even gave him a chance to say anything. I don't know who I should believe, DO YOU? - Raekeisha from Poghkeepsie, NY

Believe your friends. Often love can cloud one's judgement, while your friends can see more clearly see what is going on and can give good advice. Lying is also a big strike against this guy. Move on with your life. Dec. 26, 2005

I have been good friends with a coworker for a year now. I can't stop thinking about her. I'm somewhat hesitant about taking the next step because a) I don't want to get rejected and possibly lose our great friendship b) dating coworkers can get messy especially if it doesn't work out. Anyways, what are the odds that I'm falling in love with her? What are the odds that she's falling in love with me? - Jason from Vancouver, Canada

First, let me express my opinion about dating coworkers. I'm all in favor of it! I also do not respect rules that forbid inter-office relationships. It is hard enough to meet people without restricting those faces you see every day. However, I would make an exception if the two people were in the same chain of command. It doesn't sound like this is the case in your situation so I wouldn't let point B get in your way.

The fact that you are friends is a very good sign. I know this sounds terribly junior high, but is there someone you trust you could send to feel her out for how she feels about you? If not, perhaps you could organize an after work dinner sometimes with her and some other coworkers. Perhaps in a more casual setting, and preferably with a couple drinks in her, you can pry a little deeper. Do anything to increase the temperature without coming straight out and declaring your feelings. If you do that and she doesn't share the same feelings it will ruin your friendship.

To answer your question, the probability you are falling in love with her is clearly pushing 100%. It is hard to say the other way but probably only about 10%. However, don't let that discourage you, she just might need more time. Good luck to you. I'd be interested to know what happens.

Dec. 13, 2005

My boyfriend maintained an email relationship with an ex-lover, but ended it when she admitted her intentions with him weren't honorable. BUT, the ex's girlfriend (she's bisexual) then emailed my guy, berating him, so says he is "forced" to continue corresponding because he, "Tried to end it once." I was not uncomfortable her intentions, and this drama were disclosed, despite the ex sending him cards on holidays and 'just because,' and texting messages occasionally. But one time her girlfriend left him a bizarre cell phone message pretending to be me asking him on a date. He still maintains his return emails are nondescript, mundane, and nonsexual and he has no feelings for her. Yet tonight, at a club we frequent, he became panic-y, dragging me away from our friends, saying the two were there and WE had to leave--he didn't want them to see him. I say he's hiding something. He says he's not; just that her girlfriend is so unstable he doesn't know what crazy thing/s she might do in public. What is going on here? - Dawn from Sarasota

I'm of the opinion that it is almost impossible for a couple to remain friends after breaking up. The best you can hope for is a Christmas card relationship. Anything more than that is thinking about getting back together. Although you didn't ask, my advice about breaking up is to do it cold turkey and get on with your life. I of course don't know exactly what is going on here but where there's smoke there's fire. You don't have enough evidence to make any accusations but continue to be suspicious. Dec. 13, 2005

I just got back with my boyfriend and was wondering if I can tell if he's cheating on me besides flirting with the other chick. - Ashlee from Bemidji

The joke is that you can tell a man is cheating if he is happy. Seriously, look for any changes in his behavior. If he spends less time with you, looks better, goes to different places, or does different things, then he is probably cheating. Dec. 6, 2005

My boyfriend and I usually hang out together but now we barley do that anymore because he goes over to his best friends house and that's where his ex lives too. What should I do? - Jennifer from Hillsboro, Oregon

Tell that bum to hit the road. Dec. 6, 2005

I've been dating my ex-boyfriend's good friend for about 5 months now. My ex boyfriend and I have completely moved on, however we are now friends. He recently came up to me and told me that my new boyfriend was cheating on me with at least three different girls, has unprotected sex with them and has an STD. He also said that the only reason he is still with me is because he "doesn't want to break my heart." My question to you is, is he really cheating? He is with me, at work or school about 75% of the time and the other 25% I'm not sure where he's at and I don't question it. I never had reason to believe that he was cheating on me until now...what do you think the deal is? Thanks. - Amy from Jacksonville

I would ask your ex what his evidence is. Accusations should always be backed up with evidence. Maybe there is suddenly some bad blood between the two of them and this is your ex's way of seeking retribution. It seems unlikely he would make up this story out of thin air so there may be some basis of truth to it. However, he is professing more knowledge than I think is totally believable. So probe him for more details. Nov. 22, 2005

My boyfriend and I have been dating on and off for over a year. He has cheated on me before but he was really drunk and didn't remember it. I am starting to feel he is cheating again, and in turn I have definitly become a snoop. I check his call log on the internet and today I noticed that he called this girl, Anne, five minutes after he called me and was wasted and yelled at me. I also heard on his voicemail the girl leaving a message at 2am saying to call him. He has been very short with me lately, and when I called him today, he said "did you need something?". I just don't know what to do. If I break up with him,I will totally regret it because he is always able to make me feel like he WAS trying very hard, and it's my fault that I wanted way too much. I forgot one thing. My birthday was over one month ago, and I have yet to get a present. Please help - Sally from New York City

Birthdays are such relationship killers. If he isn't blatantly cheating he is at least hedging his bets by heating up things with those on the waiting list. However, I can't say that I blame him because you seem paranoid and possessive. My advice is to lower the temperature on this. Do as he does and heat up some friendships with other guys as a back up plan. Either he will get jealous and make a stronger effort or it will hasten the eventual ending, which are both better than continuing to go sideways. Nov. 22, 2005

I've been emailing this girl through the E Harmony system, which allows for anonymous communication, for a little over two months now. Probably over a month ago, I asked if she would like to meet in person, and she mentioned she would in "2-3 weeks." We have great conversations over email, but I must admit the lack of taking things to the next level -- as in coffee -- is starting to seem to be a red flag. That said, we've both been very busy over this time. What do you think are the three most probable reasons for her reluctance to get together in person? I forgot to mention that she's a psychiatrist, so of course I could be the victim of some grand experiment. That was a joke, but let me know what you think. Thanks! - Tim W from Cleveland

She might be using you as her psychiatrist. It sounds like she is leading you on and just wants somebody to listen to her. Another possibility is she is in another relationship that is rocky and you are her backup plan. You can't waste your time in limbo indefinitely. I would tell her to not contact you until it is with a meeting date. Oct. 18, 2005

Am I pregnant? -- Laruen from Fort Worth

I don't think so. I set the lines at yes +300, no -240. Oct. 3, 2005

Me and this guy have been togehter on and off a couple times well i finally ended it about 8 months ago and i moved on to somebody new... he is a really nice guy and i couldn't be happier... well i've been having dreams about me and my ex getting back together... so my question for you is.... do you see us together again in the future? maybe married or something? There is no really good reason as to why i broke up with him in the first place so hows about helping me out and answering my damn question!!!! THANKS!!! - Ashlee from Hartford

My advice is to stick with the nice guy you have now. You seem to have a fear of commitment, which is causing you to second guess yourself. The grass is not greener on the other side of the fence. Hold onto the good thing you have now. Sept. 25, 2005

Whenever my boyfriend of 16 months has a bad day, he gets really cranky and he takes it out by being short and kind of rude to me. I don't think it's personal, but how do I get him to stop being mean to me just cause he's having a bad day? -- Caitlin from Elmhurst

I would just turn around and leave the room when he does that. If he follows you then leave the house until he has cooled off. If that doesn't work, I would throw that fish back in the sea. There is an endless supply of nice guys out there who would treat you like a queen who women usually ignore in favor of guys like yours. Sept. 18, 2005

I have a friend (ex-girlfriend) who is in a bad relationship. Her husband, married and stayed with because of two unexpected children and a third on the way (all while on birth control), treats her awful, emotionally abuses and manipulates her, and does little in the ways of either housework or regular work. She has almost filed for divorce a couple times, but has stopped herself because she did not know if she would be able to support her children alone. She makes a decent amount of money as the sole breadwinner, so I'm starting to wonder if this is a copout answer (though he doesn't work, he does provide free daycare services). She also never wants to be the bad guy, especially in her children's eyes, and she thinks being with her husband is less damaging to them than being without. Let's say she wins the lottery or somehow comes upon a large sum of money. Do you think she would really leave him? - Wayne from Chicago, Illinois

First, I think you should stay out of it. She seems to be looking at this as the better of two bad choices for her and her children, which is the best way to look at it. Without knowing the situation better I can't make any predictions but I would let them work it out while you go on with your life. Sept. 18, 2005

when i got with my new boyfriend i knew he had a baby on the way but he told me that him and the mother were done. the baby was born and he has been a part of her life but i was on yahoo messagner and the babies mother thought i was her babies father i was on as him. but she wrote me and was like i enjoyed the other night it was wonderful, it just so happens that me and him wasnt together that night. When i asked him about it he got mad and told me to believe whoever i wanted to. so i guess my question is who should i believe? - Cassandra from Cincinnati

I believe the baby's mother. My advice is to get out of this mess and take some remedial English classes. Sept. 18, 2005

When my boyfriend and I first started dating there was this girl that would flirt with him all the time. Well I told him to ignore her or it would be over. He did, or so he said. We drove passed her yesterday and he smiled at her. I got mad at first then I just let it go. He started yelling at me and told me that he could say hi to her whenever he wanted. What I don't get is that he gets so jealous whenever I talk to one of his friends. Does this mean that he could be talking to this girl behind my back? PLEASE ANSWER ME!!!!! - Ashlee from Hartford

I'm not big on jealousy. It should be okay for either of you to be friendly with the opposite sex. Even light flirting can be okay if it's just in fun and goes no further than that. If you don't have trust in a relationship then it is bound to fail. My advice is to put your relationship to the test and allow flirting on both sides. If that causes the end of it then it wasn't meant to be in the first place. Also, one exclamation mark is sufficient. Aug. 28, 2005

Do my two best friends really love each other and if they do, what will happen to one of their partners? - Name and city withheld

I'd like to encourage my readers to send more "Dear Abby" type questions. However, this one is so lacking in details I can't do much with it. What I will advise is to worry less about your friends and more about yourself. Let them work this out and if you're not asked to participate, then don't. Aug. 21, 2005

Dear Wizard, I want to know if my boyfriend is lying to me when he says he loves me an he's not cheating on me but a girl keeps going there an calling him an he said he don't like her an swears he's not going to cheat she's causing problems so do I trust him is he cheating on me help me plzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

You should trust him until you have much more compelling evidence he is cheating. There is nothing to worry about until there is something to worry about. Also, please do something about your run-on sentences. Dec. 20, 2004

My boyfriend of almost seven years, not to mention the father of my child, has been acting strange. I know that we have a lot of things going on and we are both stressed but I'm worried he is acting this way because he is cheating? He swears he is not and says he would never do that but I'm not sure. Please help. - mom in Connecticut.

As I said in the November 11, 2000 column you shouldn't make any accusations without evidence. Lots of men act strangely if they get a case of the seven-year itch, but it doesn't mean they are necessarily cheating. My advice is to either hire a private detective or give him the benefit of the doubt. Sept. 7, 2004

Is my boyfriend cheating on me? - Melevinna Dial of IA City, USA

How should I know? However, don't make any accusations unless you have sufficient evidence to back them up. Nov. 11, 2000

I was just wondering, if you know everything, then what was the date that my boyfriend and I first started dating and broke up (the very last one)? Will we ever be back together? - Samantha from Hannond, USA

My crystal ball is foggy on the dates but if you got together on a day of the month evenly divisible by 3 and you broke up on a day of the month that is prime, then your odds are very good for getting back together. If neither of these conditions are true then I would forget this guy and move on. I would recommend dating an actuary in the future. June 10, 2000

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